There is an excellent article written in The Good Men Project, entitled, 23 Tips For Men On Supporting A Partner With Chronic Pain.
The author, Pete Beisner, writes; “We will be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary this week, and I can say without a doubt that despite the problems that come with periods of joblessness and raising two kids to maturity, the thing that has had the biggest influence on our marriage has been pain.”
From what he says, it’s not possible to decipher what type of chronic pain his wife has – whether due to infectious disease, cancer, injury or muscle and joint pain. But regardless of the source of the pain, I’d like to touch upon the obvious maturity, love, respect, understanding and support this man shows for his wife during one of the most difficult hardships one can face – living in chronic pain or watching your loved one suffer through it.
Mr. Beisner writes; “There is nothing that makes me feel as helpless as watching my wife suffer. I would far rather just absorb the pain myself. But I have discovered that while going away physically or emotionally may be less painful for me, it is selfish and actually adds to my wife’s suffering.
Being strong for her does not mean hiding my feelings. In fact, my tears of frustration and pain often give her validation or permission to express her own emotions. All that being a husband and a good man requires that I stay by her side in body, mind and heart and that I do what is within my power to ease her pain, offer her comfort and support her.”
Sometimes we just don’t realize what our spouse is thinking or feeling – especially if you have a mate who, in trying to be considerate of others, is hiding her physical pain and emotional feelings of isolation.
You may have felt something similar. For example, many people feel lonely during the holidays – even though they’re surrounded by family and friends. I’m talking about healthy individuals who at times feel very alone, not those suffering with deep rooted emotional problems. I’m sure you understand what I’m saying here.
Now imagine your wife, who has been suffering with muscle and joint pain for years and years, yet no one can see it. No bleeding, no festering sores, no deformities, no cast, no bandages, no wrappings, no neck collar. In fact, it may appear that there’s absolutely nothing wrong at all – even though she’s standing right in front of you, experiencing indescribable pain.
Because there’s no visible sign of illness and because traditional medicine is quite perplexed when it comes to chronic muscle and joint pain, it’s all too common for doctors to conclude that the problem is psychosomatic (all in the sufferer’s head).
Because physicians are seen as authorities on the subject of physical problems, when a doctor comes to this conclusion, all too often the family follows suit. This leaves the pain sufferer feeling not only physical pain, but emotional isolation as well.
Supporting A Partner With Chronic Pain
How would you feel if this was happening to you? Misunderstood, completely alone and wanting to end it all, are words that I hear all too often from my new patients.
Having chronic pain, and even the process of eliminating it, is a tough burden to carry alone. Be there for your partner. Don’t physically or emotionally walk away. The chronic pain sufferer does not want your pity, but only your help to find a solution.
When you’re ready, I’m here to provide answers to your questions.
If you like this post, Tips For Men On Supporting A Partner With Chronic Pain, share it on Twitter and Facebook, spreading the good news that people don’t have to suffer a lifetime filled with chronic pain. It can be eliminated!
Reading the Curing Chronic Pain website will give you more information about the abnormal foot structures Professor/Dr. Rothbart discovered that cause many forms of chronic muscle and joint pain and help you determine whether an Initial Phone Consultation with him might be helpful.
For a more complete explanation of the Rothbarts Foot and PreClinical Clubfoot Deformity, read: Abnormal Foot Structures That Cause Chronic Pain.
As you learn more about Professor/Dr. Rothbart’s innovative therapy, you may find that addressing and effectively treating your foot structure may be the missing link to ending your long time battle with unrelenting muscle and joint pain.
If you have questions about what’s involved in being treated with Rothbart Proprioceptive Therapy by long distance, see our FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) Page by clicking here.
If you would like to contact Professor/Dr. Rothbart regarding an appointment to resolve your chronic muscle and joint pain, click here.
Professor/Dr. Brian A. Rothbart
Chronic Pain Elimination Specialist
Discovered the Rothbarts Foot and PreClinical Clubfoot Deformity
Developer of Rothbart Proprioceptive Therapy
Inventor and Designer of Rothbart Proprioceptive Insoles
Founder of the International Academy of Rothbart Proprioceptive Therapy
Free Excerpt from Professor/Dr. Rothbart’s second book, The Foot’s Connection To Chronic Pain